Originally published by the NZ Herald on 3/11/24
You may have read a few of my articles expressing my concerns about smartphones and the impact social media has on our children and teenagers. Yet, as the mother of a 12-year-old son, I find myself grappling with the very real issue of social exclusion when it comes to my own child.
When our son turned 11, my husband and I decided to buy him a Nokia brick phone—you know, the classic one where you have to press the same button multiple times to type a single letter. We wanted him to have a way to communicate with us, especially as he was starting
intermediate school and commuting up to two hours a day. It seemed important that we could keep in touch with him, and vice versa.
That phone lasted for a year, but we quickly realised it had one major flaw—he rarely, if ever, used it. Despite our investment, getting hold of him was often difficult. We tried other devices, such as the Garmin Bounce watch, which allowed us to text and track him, and even a Spacetalk watch before that. While these devices worked to some extent, they didn’t solve the bigger issue: social exclusion.
It soon became clear that many of our son’s friends were communicating through Snapchat, and that he was one of only a few children in his class without a smartphone or Snapchat account. The difference began to affect his ability to fit in socially.
So, for his 12th birthday, after much discussion, we finally gave in and much to his surprise, bought him a smartphone—but not just any smartphone. We opted for a “dumb” Samsung Smartphone preloaded with Safe Surfer technology, allowing us to control its functionality. Right out of the box, the phone is a simplified version of a standard smartphone. This means that while Tom’s device looks similar to those of his peers, it is designed to prevent access to social media and harmful online content. He can text, make calls, and has limited internet browsing capabilities. We control the App store through the Parent Dashboard, preventing kids from downloading whatever app they want. We’ve given him access to Spotify, but beyond that,
the phone remains intentionally basic to ensure a safe, controlled experience.
Some people will ask how this is different from the parental controls already on these devices. The reality is that most parental controls on smartphones, whether Apple or Android, are often easy for kids to bypass in various ways, the Safe Surfer option is basically a software and
hardware solution in one. Since he’s had the phone, we’ve noticed a big difference in his social life. His peers have started exchanging numbers with him, and they regularly text him. Although Snapchat may still be their preferred platform, they’re willing to make an exception, and as a result, he’s now included in social interactions where he previously felt left out.
While research about young people’s digital behaviour is showing increasingly addictive behaviours to social media platforms such as Snapchat, there is also evidence of the benefits for youth when they disconnect and have a more balanced approach to tech and adopt simpler
ways to connect with peers.
For example, findings from Outward Bound showed that 78.1% of participants wanted to decrease their screen time after the course, with those spending over six hours per day on screens dropping from 30.9% to just 7.4%. Similarly, 83.9% of participants reported they could better connect with themselves and others without social media, and a majority felt more productive and self-aware without digital distractions. The experience was transformative, with 81.4% strongly agreeing that being without social media taught them valuable lessons about themselves and others.
These findings reinforce what we’ve observed ourselves —children aren’t necessarily attached to social media because they love it, but because it’s where their peers are. Social media has become the default platform for connection at the price of their mental health and wellbeing. Because research shows social media and smartphones harm children in ways many parents may not realise. We know that children are sharing and experiencing disturbing content such as extreme violence, porn, and animal torture, while grooming on social media and gaming chats is a significant risk globally. Rising mental health hospitalisations and self-harm rates reflect these hidden risks, with a Cure Kids report showing a 300% increase in psychological distress among youth since 2011.
Research also reveals social media’s addictive nature fosters unhealthy behaviours, impacting self-esteem and well-being. Algorithms keep children engaged at the cost of sleep, studies, and real-world interactions.
In the Outward bound survey 82% of under 20 year olds agreed that social media use is a problem for teenagers and another 14% said “maybe”. In fact, the Outward Bound survey found that nearly 50% of those surveyed supported restricting access to social media for under 16 year olds—a remarkable statistic, especially considering this is the young people themselves supporting this change.
It’s not hard to envision a future where dedicated devices for children under 16 become the norm, with age-appropriate hardware and software that evolve as they grow. This could simplify the debate around platform restrictions and provide a more sustainable solution that ensures both technology and content are suitable for younger users.
As the debate over social media and smartphones intensifies, the need for practical, future-proof solutions becomes increasingly urgent. By opting for devices specifically designed for children, we can offer them a safer way to grow and thrive in an increasingly digital world. The technology for these child-appropriate devices already exists—now, the next crucial step is ensuring that legislation keeps pace. If we fail to adapt our laws, the long-term societal costs will be significant.
